The shiny tower, free lattes, big paycheck, and promotions had officially lost their glimmer.
I stood by the window on the top floor of Salesforce Tower, next to several executive clients who were all gazing out at San Francisco.
"We've made it," one of them said, beaming.
I smirked while sinking on the inside.
I'd been in back-to-back meetings every day for months, and I knew there had to be more to life.
Within a few months of this moment, I quit my job to find a new identity beyond a resume and a paycheck.
That was three years ago, and as I reflect on my journey, I can see now that during this pivotal time—I was soul searching.
Along my search, I discovered Alan Watts' prompt, "What do you desire?", and with that, something important in my perception of success changed.
I'd been chasing the money, thinking that was my path to freedom and power.
I was wrong.
I discovered my connection to something greater. A deep part of my soul knew I was meant to do more than perpetuate the illusion that money is the most important measure of success.
What is Soul Searching?
It's about going inward and asking yourself:
Why am I here?
What would I choose in life if nobody told me what to do/think?
Where is my soul guiding me?
It's a process of unlearning the conditioning we've grown up with.
In my own exploration, I found that soul searching is all about self-reflection to discover your truth. It's about healing childhood wounds. And it's about the exploration of your values, beliefs, and purpose.
Signs You're Soul Searching
When we’re soul searching, we often find ourselves looking at our life and feel like we’ve wasted so much time.
We realize everything we used to think was important, actually isn't.
We acknowledge that we've been "sleepwalking" through life, and it's time to WAKE UP and start making intentional choices.
For me, this meant acknowledging I'd based my worth on my resume and income. It meant redefining my values and changing most of my habits.
These are the themes of soul searching I've noticed in my own life and my coaching clients' lives:
1. Feeling Discontent
You experience a persistent sense that something is missing in your life.
Once you choose this path, you feel like you could never go back to the way things used to be.
The discontent fuels your momentum to make changes in your life.
When I left my first marriage at the age of twenty-three, I can vividly recall uttering the words, "There's something missing, and I don't know what it is," during the conversation we had about our separation. That was the spark that started my search.
2. Craving Solitude
You may find yourself craving solitude. Spending time alone so you can reflect, introspect, and connect with your inner self.
It is in the stillness of solitude that you can nurture your inner world and cultivate a deep connection with yourself.
During my last year at Salesforce, my Saturdays were dedicated to “SOLO ME TIME,” and I'd drive down HWY 1 to Pacifica and Santa Cruz from the city. I would immerse myself in nature, sometimes take a psilocybin microdose, and look inwards.
My alone time became the one place I could go to get away from the chaos of San Francisco, to be quiet enough to listen and hear where I was being guided.
3. Dreaming About Alternative Paths
You explore “new ways of being” through experimentation, and eventually your new choices align with your authentic self.
It requires noticing what gives you energy and what leaves you drained.
It's about a commitment to invest your time and energy into things/people/activities that FILL YOU UP.
As I began dreaming about alternative paths, I realized the importance of discerning between my "yes" and "no." I started using a pendulum for this and later discovered the practice of self-muscle testing, which I continue to use today.
To determine what I truly want, I ask myself yes/no questions internally and pay close attention to how my body, rather than the mind, responds.
4. Redefining What You Value Most
You start to ask yourself what's actually important to you.
This often includes realizing that things that used to be a top priority, simply don't matter in the grand scheme of things.
My measure of success shifted to noticing the impact I'm having on people and the world around me. I began to measure success by answering questions like:
What am I bringing into the world?
Am I leading with my heart, head, and gut?
How would people remember me if today were my last day?
Today, my values around success are centered around leaving a lasting legacy of love, compassion, and positive change.
5. Changing What You Admire
You notice a shift in what and who you admire, and you find yourself drawn to different sources of inspiration that resonate more with who you're evolving into.
My life changed when I discovered powerful teachers and books.
Life-changing books for me include:
Eckhart Tolle, Power of Now (and all his other books), helping me understand presence.
Alan Watts, You're It! (and all his audio recordings), inspiring me toward personal liberation.
Joseph Campbell, Reflections on the Art of Living, supporting me in discovering true purpose.
These teachers all had a profound impact, and I still lean on their teachings years later whenever I'm needing direction beyond my own internal guidance system.
6. Shifting Habits
You become aware that every choice you make contributes to or detracts from your fulfillment.
And you're no longer willing to settle for the way things have been.
So, you feel compelled to create new habits, and that starts with being honest with yourself about where your energy is "leaky."
Leaky energy is spending time on things that detract from your fulfillment because of "shoulds" or commitments that no longer feel in alignment for you.
I chose to stop watching TV in the evenings, attending work happy hours, and going out for drinks for dates or with friends. And I had to set boundaries around my weekend time being for me—not for work. That freed up my time to explore new habits. And after work, I began going to yoga, sound healing, breathwork, and dance workshops at The Center SF—where I created a new community of friends who were also on the healing path (and eventually it’s where I met my husband).
I've come to understand that true fulfillment lies in aligning with our authentic selves.
But soul searching is a path we’re not meant to navigate alone.
And as you take the next step on your journey, it’s time to have a guide and a community.