How Eckhart Tolle Changed My Life
Transforming Through Suffering and Finding The Purpose of Pain
Today marks a three important milestones for me…
The 20th week of pregnancy, with genetic testing, bloodwork, and ultrasounds all indicating a viable pregnancy and healthy baby!
The closing call for “Embrace The Fire” as I complete teaching a live cohort of women who’ve bravely explored the wisdom in their anger, and the power behind their emotions.
The beginning of Eckhart Tolle’s “Conscious Manifestation” as I begin a four month program, starting with meeting him in-person and listening to him speak over the last week in California.
And here’s what’s landing for me from meeting Eckhart …
Tears clouded my vision as one of my most cherished teachers walked out on stage and sat down in my view.
I’ve dreamt of meeting Eckhart Tolle in person for years.
When I read “The Power of Now” almost 10 years ago, his words shifted everything for me.
I realized I had been creating my own suffering by criticizing myself for past actions or anxiously planning the future for most of my adult life.
When I was first introduced to him, I was in deep pain on the inside while portraying an image of “success” on the outside.
I’d moved across the country with a partner I thought I would marry and started my first job in Tech.
My résumé looked great, I lived the beach life I always dreamed of, and I had an amazing partner with the biggest heart.
On the outside, my life looked like I was living THE DREAM.
We got settled in San Diego, and I supported us financially while he looked for jobs.
In reality…
I was running away from a toxic work situation and a corrupt CEO. I had been offered junior partner before I left. I walked away from hundreds of thousands of dollars, and took a 50% pay cut to move from North Carolina to California.
I struggled to hit my sales goals at my new job in San Diego, alongside most members of my team. And the failure to hit my numbers disintegrated my self-worth.
I discovered my partner was struggling with alcoholism after our move, and had been stealing my prescription medication behind my back.
I had been smoking weed and drinking wine to numb myself to sleep every night and was taking a prescription for ADHD in the morning to make it through cold calling the rest of the day.
I tried to pretend I was okay as my parents divorced, and I watched their 33-year marriage come to an end. When my Dad got remarried shortly afterwards, I didn’t permission myself to take the time off work to fly to N.C. and attend the wedding.
Life seemed like it was at an all-time low.
But hitting “rock bottom” revealed the true purpose of experiencing pain in life.
That’s when I discovered Eckhart Tolle, energy healing, and started seeing a therapist for the first time.
Up to that point, I had been elongating my suffering by resisting feeling my emotions and avoiding the pain of heartbreak.
“Suffering has a noble purpose: the evolution of consciousness (the awakening). As long as you resist suffering, it is a slow process.“ - Eckhart Tolle: A New Earth
When I started to accept the suffering as part of life, I could breathe again.
And I could allow the present circumstances to be what they were.
Then from that place, I could make new choices and my entire life began to change.
I stopped drinking and smoking every day.
My partner and I separated.
I moved into my own place in between Mission Beach and Mission Bay. Surrounded by water!
And I started flying up to San Francisco to train for my new tech role in customer success.
And that’s when the next round of challenges came.
My newly furnished beachfront home went up in flames.
Literally. 🔥
One weekend while I was home, I opened the front door of my little beach bungalow to see massive clouds of black smoke billowing out of my roof.
I went around the building to make sure the other tenants had escaped safely, and then found myself standing peacefully as I watched the place burn.
I stood watching, in full acceptance of what was happening.
The firefighters asked me if I was okay, telling me how calm I seemed.
And I responded “I’m safe. I have my dog, and my laptop so I can work - and everything else is replaceable.”
I felt calm.
And now as I look back on this moment, I can see how that house fire was exactly what I needed.
I’d been clinging to my identity of living “my dream” in San Diego, and I was strongly attached to that life.
But my soul was trying to guide me to create a new life in San Francisco.
A life that led me to the fulfillment I’ve found within myself today, and turned me into the person I am.
It led me to the life partner I was meant to marry, and the baby in my belly.
I woke up to my true nature.
I woke up to the “deep I” within me.
If I had not gone through the suffering, the awakening would not have happened.
So often, we resist life as it unfolds.
But when we can allow life to be as it is - we gain access to curiosity.
We get to ask the question: what is life showing me through this?
“Wisdom arises from the awareness of presence” Eckhart says, and it’s our willingness to feel whatever emotions show up in the moment that is our access point to that wisdom.
Slow down.
Witness the inner experience.
Turn towards the sensations in the body.
Do nothing.
That’s it.
That’s all awakening is.
Being present.
And the reminder I’m taking away from Eckhart’s teachings, and from almost every teacher I’ve ever admired.
"Witness the inner experience.
Turn towards the sensations in the body.
Do nothing.
That’s it.
That’s all awakening is.
Being present."
This summary is perfect. So simple. I think the most powerful aspect (that cuts through my "ego" at least) is the "do nothing, that's it, it's that simple" language.
My whole life it was "life is complicated...one day in the future you might mature, but who knows...you need lots of counseling before you can be happy..." and so forth.
Then, when I realized it's as simple as "just watch your inner body", and I did it, and it worked, then I woke up. "Be the witness" is always the answer. Yes, it's just that simple! :)