My Friend Anger: A Journey of Empowerment at Camp Sleepawake
Moving from fear of expressing anger into the freedom of finding truth.
“Our pipes are full of gunk — we’re cleaning them up.” said Raven Adeo, a fellow facilitator at Camp Sleepawake (a non-profit I volunteered at for a month last summer).
“Anger can be safe, beautiful, wise, and sober.” Raven continued. She’d just given a demo for a “conscious rant.”
Raven’s expression was one of the most moving, powerful, and clean expressions of anger I’d ever seen. It was truly a noble act, fully rooted in love.
I’d had the chance to practice the activity the day before, in a group of other facilitators.
I’d closed my eyes.
Felt into my belly.
And found the fire in me.
It rooted back to childhood.
For all the times my “no” wasn’t respected.
All the moments my boundaries were crossed.
All the physical punishment.
All the moments I had a need that wasn’t met.
All the things I could never express anger at my parents for as a kid.
All the family lineage bullshit from abandonment, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and alcoholism.
All the gunk from my pipes started to come up.
And it felt SO GOOD.
I cried.
I wept.
I stomped.
I pounded my fists.
I yelled.
And I moved anger that’d never been touched before.
All in a five minute expression.
As I opened my eyes half way through, I could see the others in the group looking at me with LOVE.
Not with judgement.
Not with fear.
Not with distain.
Not telling me to be quiet.
Not telling me anger was bad.
But watching me express as if I were as beautiful as the “rising sun.”
Something changed in me that day. Something got re-wired. I’d done many expressions of anger in my personal development days.
But this time was different.
Being witnessed in this exact way shifted a voice in my head saying that expressing anger was not okay. Not safe. Not lady like.
Instead the voice told me how brave I was to show myself.
I felt the LOVE beneath my anger.
The love for myself.
The love for my “no.”
The love for my boundaries.
The love for my wants and needs.
I felt the sadness and grief hiding beneath the anger.
At the end of my expression, I opened my arms and expressed the boundary I didn’t get to set as a child, in the original moment the anger got clogged in my body.
“It’s NOT okay to yell at me, to get me to do what you want.” I said, as if it was directly to Dad.
As a kid, I never knew I could set boundaries with authority figures. So, as an adult I get to rewrite the narrative. I get to reparent that little one who didn’t get to say “no.”
Arms open. Feeling the righteous truth of my boundary.
But that can only happen once the pipes are clear, and the clarity reveals itself on the other side of expressing the anger.
When I was complete, I felt decades lighter. And each person took turns expressing.
As the gunk cleared from each of our inner “pipes”, we watched as the layers peel backwards and revealed the tenderness and love beneath each persons expression of anger.
“Anger is fuel for action, a flaming sword.” Raven told the group, and she was right. The life force energy that got freed up when we each expressed our emotion, became the fuel for action. It was the momentum we’d been waiting for our whole life.
And when our pipes are clogged by years of “yes” when we really wanted to say “no” - we end up depressed from all the repressed truth.
I certainly did when I was in my 20’s, and when I wasn’t depressed, I was anxious. I was constantly second guessing what I said or did. Or planning the next thing I was going to do or say.
I was rarely living in the current moment, because I was repressing the past. I didn’t know there could be another way to live, and I didn’t have the resources as a young adult to take ownership over my mental health.
p.s. If moving anger or a “conscious rant container” intrigues you - I’ll be teaching a 3-week live course “Embrace The Fire” - for women who want to feel anger as safe, beautiful, and wise. Or you can reach out to me for 1-1 coaching.
Enrollment ends May 8th! Click the link below to learn more 👇🏽
What is Camp Sleepawake Anyways?
Imagine setting boundaries, saying “no”, communicating your needs, and believing you’re WORTHY of living your life in an aligned and empowered way - starting in your early 20’s. What would be different for you today?
My life would’ve been SO DIFFERENT if Sleepawake had existed for me a couple decades ago.
It’s more than a camp - it’s a tribal initiation. A coming of age. A rite of passage. And it’s unlike anything else that has ever existed.
Young men are no longer get sent into the wilderness to kill a wild boar as they step into manhood.
Young women are no longer provided the chance to sit in a red tent and bleed with other women as they cross the threshold into fertility.
For the sake of my future children, and the yearning I feel to return to the tribal ways of living as often as possible, I’m grateful Sleepawake exists.
Sleepawake was the #1 most fulfilling experience I’ve ever been through - as a facilitator but also as a human, and I watched 20+ attendees lives change forever right in front of my eyes. So rewarding, also exhausting. But so worth contributing a month of my life and my entire heart as an investment.
It was the individual relationships with the campers that changed my life - I witnessed them shift their relationship with themselves, their confidence, their family system, and their emotions as a whole.
I got to create space for each of them in my heart, and build relationships with soul family members who are doing deep soul work - but starting so young.
Over the last year I’ve often asked myself, how could I ever truly capture the magnitude of impact this camp had on me?
Could I ever fully capture the true essence what I witnessed shift in the 20+ campers and the other faculty? I can’t. I never could.
But, one of the attendees from last year wrote their experience with anger - and it might give you a glimpse into their world directly as a taste…
A Camper's Journey from Fear into Freedom
“On the day I was invited to let my anger roar, I could feel my body shaking in anxious anticipation. My conditioning, if I yell I’ll get yelled back at louder, pounding through my veins, containing my anger within the bounds of my body.
I stood up in front of the group. Nauseous breathlessness rising through my sternum, the last dregs of resistance to the anger ready for release.
I looked at the facilitator, saw her looking back at me. Checking within myself, how deep do I want to go with this? I felt safe, and the anger was ready.
I began to scream.
My screams oscillated from a heady place into the deep guttural belly.
My clenched fists bent elbows and I keeled over, purging my insides through sound waves into dirt.
A rage that overtook my body.
Eye contact with my friends as I tore through the pain I had hidden from them. Pure force rocketing through my veins out into the world as power.
At dinner that night I was more assertive, confident at the table. A sturdiness up and down my spine, self-assured. The releasing of anger left room for clarity and aliveness in its place.
My voice was deeper for days afterward, muscles in my throat released that had been concealing this truth my entire life.
This release was a freedom, an opening of space for my own life force to flow.
Over the year since that release my relationship with anger has been transformed. I feel it bubbling and, when I am ready, I let it roar.
The boundaries that become clear when I let the anger rip from my belly — let my fists punch pillows and my throat bellow hoarse — are electrifying, alive.
Each time, they guide me into closer contact with myself, with my life lived authentically. I feel a deep gratitude for the path they’ve led me down over the last year.
Now, when the anger bubbles, I am excited.”
- Ellie (Substack link 🔗 below)
What to Share With Young Adults About Sleepawake
If you could think of one young adult, 18-30 years old - who is wanting to make a difference with their life - who would it be?
Forward this to them.
The mission of this camp moved something deeeeep in my soul. If it does the same for you, we could use your support by sharing the application with young adults.
👉🏼 If you have someone in your life who you love that’s 18-30 years old, please click “share”. Sleepawake Camp could be for them! It’s designed for young adults that feel called to deep inner work, and 2024 Sleepawake Applications close on May 24th 2024.
👉🏼 If you feel compelled by this non-profit project, but can’t attend yourself, you can send a donation to support from afar.